So, I’ve had a collection of conversations with some dear friends recently whom I trust greatly and I thought it would be interesting to see if I could string together some of the conversations. The purpose would be simply to gain a little clarity or a new perspective on things.
A dear friend of mine whom I have known for years and years asked me about age differences. I thought this was interesting since I myself had just asked the question of another friend just a few days before. You see, having entered our 30’s now and both being single, we both find ourselves asking the same kinds of questions. Often among the questions raised is the matter of age. Is age really just a number?
She, my friend, is being “fixed up” with a nice young man by a mutual acquaintance. When I say young, I mean 10 years her junior. She is a little worried about it so we had a conversation about the subject and here is the question I asked her. “When you've been married for 55 years and have 8 children, 29 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren, is it going to matter that you're 90 and he's 80?”
I, as you know by now, am 31 and divorced. I find myself thrown back into the dating game as a seasoned veteran and as such, find myself much older than many of the other players in the game. I find that age, sometimes, is a prime consideration of some of the people, especially younger people, who are looking for someone special. What brought this to mind was an experience I had when I was spending time with a group of single people, hanging out, playing games and telling stories. There was one younger woman with whom I enjoyed speaking. I came to find out that we have theater and musical interests in common. I casually mentioned that I had performed at a local theater and as a result had season tickets to see each of their productions, but my date had canceled on me for their showing of “The Seussical Musical.” She said she hadn't ever been to the theater but that she had seen the show and liked it. Before I knew it, I had invited her to come with me to the show and to my surprise, she said yes.
Now, I have been included with this group of younger single adults as an equal and only raised the question about age as a consideration to them when I first met many of them. I was concerned, not for my sake, but for theirs. It can seem a little strange to some people having an age difference like that and I wanted to be sensitive to their feelings. It had been something that I had thought about for a moment back then and not thought about since… until I had a date and found out that she was 21. That story is still in the works and I may write about it later… the fact of the matter is that it shouldn’t even really count as a date. It’s just two people going to a show together… right? More to follow.
The reason I raise this question is that my conversation with my dear friend took on a more general perspective after that. We talked about the idea that no two people are tailor made for each other. There are many concerns like age differences, social circles, class distinctions, differences in education, religion, upbringing, family. There are many things that divide. There are always going to be challenges even for two people who seem "Made for each other."
Look at it like this.
Do you know anything about masonry? About brick-laying? Stone work? ...doesn't matter.
Imagine two large foundation stones. Place them side by side and no matter how well they have been cut to fit, there are always going to be small gaps between the two stones. Now imagine taking those two blocks and rubbing them against each other day after day and year after year. Many of those hard and sharp edges with chip away and smooth out and after a while the stones will become almost perfect for each other. Now, even still, you can rub those stones together for years and years and years and there will still be gaps between the stones even though they have become a matched pair that works near perfectly for each other.
Love is the mortar.
Love is the fill that makes up for the gaps that are left so that you can build a life, a family and a future on that foundation that you have made together.
I guess my point is that there is no such thing as a soul mate or rather someone that you meet who is perfect for you in every single way. That is a Disney movie fallacy. The point is that you BECOME perfect for each other.
My question to my friend then was, “Who knows if this younger guy is it or not. No one can tell. But if it means that you and he can find happiness with each other, are you going to let 10 measly years difference stop you from finding out?” Are you going to let that one thing, that one worry stop you from finding something truly great in someone else? I guess it’s up to you.
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