You remember back in the day when you would always look forward to the day when you were another year older, wiser and closer to getting out of your parents house? As it drew closer you would get more and more excited wondering what you would get as a birthday present and how your family and friends would reward you for the simple act of surviving another year. You would be so excited on your birthday that you would wake up early in the morning and say to yourself, "Hey, it's my birthday today! Yeeehaw!" Ah, the foibles of youth.
I don't remember when it happened, but somewhere along the line I stopped looking forward to birthdays. Maybe it was the lofty expectations I imposed on others never being met. Maybe it was that I had to work my butt off to be able to afford a birthday gift that I now have to buy for myself. Maybe it was the forced expectation that I celebrate the passage of another year with my family and friends. Could have been a lot of things, really.
Anymore, I find myself cringing when I realize that my birthday is coming closer. I try to hide the date and make an effort to avoid drawing attention. Is this because I am uncomfortable being the center of attention? No, at least not in this light. I thrive on attention when it is in an arena that I feel comfortable in. I think I have just been jaded by the pressure of another year passing me by. What do I have to show for it? Work? Family? Accolades? It seems like when a birthday rolls around it's time for another self reflective performance review. One of those pointed conversations that you have with yourself where you are held accountable for what you have done with your time. Anyone LIKE those kinds of conversations?!
Do me a favor when it comes to birthdays: skip it.
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